--- aliases: - I - Sebastian Schüler language: English created: 2025-07-23 summary: Notes about myself tags: - domain_people status: --- ## Self-Knowledge ### Pinned - Weakness: Distractibility and lack of focus, susceptibility - Weakness: Loneliness makes me look pathetic; I often write overly long messages in the group that no one else would write - Weakness: Imbalance of two poles: Brain vs. Heart - Strength: Intuition - Strength: Introspection #### Key Insights - It doesn't have to implement every idea of mine immediately and perfection is fine - My brain is always looking for an occupation or a project where I can put all my time - e.g. game development in Godot was fun. However, the "having" or "achieving" of this idea is often not as positive for my well-being as simply following the daily basics (eating well, exercising...). It's okay to program, but be careful it doesn't get out of hand. ## Optimal Mindset ### Weaknesses (Top 4) - **Often overly focused on one thing mentally - leading to other tasks being neglected**     - This can be turned into a strength if I get control over my focus. I can then utilize my short-term memory. Example: I just watched YouTube and had to eat, but I thought, okay, I'll eat now for the next video, but I was a bit annoyed that I couldn't keep watching. After I finished eating, I had completely forgotten that I was annoyed and now only have the reward and a long good feeling.     - From this, many problems follow (hygiene, social,...) and narrow-minded views about how things work     - Distracting activities like gaming or streaming intensify this effect     - I can ramble too much... Concise expression is probably more desirable. Only go into detail upon request.     - While I speak, I focus on explaining everything in detail (to show that I know something) - this is often perceived as if I think someone is dumb. I also can't concentrate on the main point and it becomes confusing - **Highly influenced by the behavior of others - lack of self-constancy**     - If I want to have a short chat with Kai, it can turn into a gaming session and I suddenly go to bed at 6 am. Routines are ruined and a day later is also gone     - At work, I became more cynical and saw negative aspects after working with Tim, who always mentioned them     - If I talk a lot with Mama without actively paying attention to what it does to me, I become depressed etc.     - No wonder I took off as soon as I moved out of home.     - Occasionally, I fall into an identity crisis and try to define myself by actions. I should focus on my own way     - I try to "main" a certain archetype in games. I rarely succeed because I constantly get distracted by others and their idealized principles     - Certain YouTube videos can instill characteristics in me.     - Thunderstorms often completely distract me from my current situation. Very characteristic - **Two Poles Imbalance**     - Through the Dream Journal I found out that I have two different modes in myself. This was also once noticed in a conversation with Mikito.     - Heart: In this mode, I am authentic. If I use this energy correctly, I can make the best friendship gifts but also fall into a deep gaming addiction. Passion needs to be controlled here. ==If I am too lazy and authentic, I sometimes become a useless, complaining idiot who doesn't really do anything==     - Brain: In this mode, I do what I consider optimal. Unfortunately, this sometimes goes against my heart. A classic is cleaning the apartment or engaging in tedious tasks. ==If I am too cold and calculating, I become someone who is emotionally distant and appears strange==     - I believe I should pay more attention to what activities or execution types switch me between these modes. This is a spectrum, not on/off. - **Helping Syndrome:** Occasionally, others exploit me     - Students who don't even look at the script and I give them huge essays per email to bring them back on board     - Work: Hey, you are on-site, can you... Hey, we have no developer, can you... - I forget what I have learned and lack an overview of all that I should/must/must do (in order not to waste time)     - I start projects without thinking once if it is useful     - I usually come to good conclusions (evenings) but do not write them down or organize them - I often underestimate how much my mood fluctuates over the day. Typical example is that I sometimes feel like cleaning - and could do it at that moment. But then I sit down to do something else and it doesn't happen. ### Strengths (Top 4) - **If I am not distracted, I have a strong intuition**     - I know if a result/gift is good. I can assess communication well...     - I definitely have the right profession     - With a head start, work independently and think (can quickly internalize systems and connections) - Strong expression of: I remember what interests me, which others do not     - With focus on the right things, this can lead to very positive results (like a 1.0 grade) - **I can understand my own feelings well and form the causes**     - I have the desire to create cards myself but shy away from doing so with my mother because she might think it is childish ## Habits - I should regularly check if I have an endless hobby activity that I can only do for a long time. Depending on how much time I spend on it, this can restrict me (as it has in my younger years). So far, I hold a server bot for the best "unhealthy" leisure activity. ## 📝 Notes - Dream Journal - I have found that I always stop with sports in the summer because of warm temperatures or waning performance     - In fact, I am able to cycle in the morning after breakfast! - I believe that I will be successful when I am emotionally and healthy stable. Earlier, I sometimes really cried in bed or went to sleep angry. Strange... Since I don't do that anymore, I have become much more productive. I should focus on what a productive person does and then do that.